Cursed At Birth With Bad Judgement And Good Looks

I was going to preface this blog post by saying something minimizing like, oh this is just a free write – or I’m just rambling today – but then I said F that.

I sometimes wonder why I’m so timid and hell-bent on pleasing others. Where is my self-confidence I so proudly exclaim I posses? Growing up I was always a firecracker, the ‘mischievous one’ in my family, by far the most curious and lively child of five. My fire was constantly being trampled on by society, culture, and family. As a result, I didn’t realize how much I was worth and therefore fell prey to all sorts of people who took advantage of my naiveté and innocence. Men AND women, but mostly men.

Cursed at birth with bad judgement and good looks*, there was bound to be trouble.

The crazy part is that our patriarchal society made me feel like I was to blame for all of the trauma I’ve suffered. I actually believed it too. A long time ago I stopped being my true self and started living life as if I wasn’t in control. I floated along for years, ignoring the signs, ignoring my own intuition. Numbing my pain. That is not to say that I didn’t have moments of clarity, or that I was completely powerless all of these years, but it clearly wasn’t enough.

I was constantly looking for outside validation to tell me I’m smart enough, pretty enough, worthy enough. But how was I supposed to get that from the same culture that tells me my skin isn’t light enough, my thigh-gap isn’t wide enough, and my intellect isn’t worth as much?

Time’s up on all that. Having a daughter snapped me back to where I need to be. Since I obviously didn’t have enough self-love, my love for her is the necessary push I need. Bless her for that! I’m looking at everything in a new light. The world will have you thinking that the oppressors are the oppressed and that down is up if you don’t question it. I once saw a woman with a t-shirt that resonated with me – it read ‘Don’t Believe Everything That You Think’. How often do we question why it is we think a certain way? I mean really honestly question ourselves and the narratives we were raised to believe?

I want my daughter to grow up in full control and power of her mind and her body. I want her to be free and wild and all of the beautiful things we are as women. That she can grow up to be both sexy and pure, beautiful and smart as hell, powerful and feminine. I want my son to grow up to appreciate women and to also be in touch his own true nature. Anyone who knows a man, or has a son, knows boys are just as sensitive as girls, if not even more. It is unfair to men to have to play in to the whole gender role lie too. I also want to appreciate myself, my own light and my own gifts, so I can share them with my husband, and the world. I want all women to realize this about themselves, and take back their power too.

I’m on a journey to reclaim my power. This is my manifesto of sorts. I don’t know where this will take me, but I’m sure it will be fun. Join me?

* quoted that line from Camille Urso

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  • Spent the morning @freezefloatspa today! I floated for one hour and sat in the infrared sauna for 45 minutes ~ I didn’t do the freeze (cryo chamber) but it’s on my list for next time! Has anyone tried either freezing or floating? Share your thoughts! Thanks @sabrinacostarealestate for the 📸
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  • Thank YOU dude who walked by and asked if I was Miss Chicago 🥰🤗 I’ve been telling everyone I know ever since! (he was wearing some thick coke bottle glasses but whatevs)
  • Sugar baby n Sugar mama 🍦🍦
  • Getting vulnerable on today’s blog post - talking about some of my struggles and the amazing thing that happened to give me the kick in the butt I *needed* to come to my senses.  Also - I’ll admit there is no coffee in this mug but it is quite #aesthetic ain’t it?
  • These pants fit great until I ate a grape...
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I bought Adam’s new quilt from @justinablakeneyhome and love it! We still need to get Adam a headboard but for now this is where we’re at! #mondaymood #mondayfunday #jungalowstyle
  • Woke up to snow showers so I *guess* it’s a PJ’s all day kinda day...(P.S. I realllly don’t want to keep talking about the weather but Chicago keeps tryin me! 😩) linked to this cute loungewear on the shop page of my blog 💕

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