Notes…Whore or Housewife?

jjill-flare-sleeve The other day some guy called me a whore as a response to one of my YouTube videos in an attempt to hurt my feelings. However, I saw it as a sign of good tidings instead. I had actually just purchased my copy of Whorticulture and was anxiously awaiting its arrival. The books aim is ‘dismantling the toxic and oppressive behavior regularly imposed onto the lives of all women.’

To back up a little though – I had been feeling a bit lost lately, my identity as a mom, my career, my passions – everything that was once a sure thing began to get blurry in my mind. I thought back to my childhood and how I was always so opinionated, bold, and did not care at all what other people thought of me. I loved to shock people by doing things out of the ordinary, especially fighting cultural taboos that I felt were just plain stupid. I was adventurous and lived my life to the fullest. Girls would be called whores or ‘hoes’ for doing nothing wrong, except for challenging societies notions of a woman’s role. I actually didn’t care if people thought I was a hoe – I was living my best life while they just talked about me.

So I asked myself – when did I go from the carefree ‘hoe’ to this self-conscious, timid housewife?

So I read some books, meditated, prayed, and just searched for guidance for myself. Of course getting older, having children, adulting – can and does change you somewhat. But there is something I missed about the old me and I couldn’t figure it out. Then I read an article about how trauma can affect your personality, and it was like a lightbulb went off in my head and I can almost exactly pin point that moment. It was when I came out of my coma from my snowmobile accident in 2009. Nothing was the same ever since then. I didn’t know it but I was going into a new phase of life where I didn’t have the confidence I once had, and I questioned my purpose in life and even broke up with Tom to ‘find myself’. I guess I just needed time to heal and feel safe again.

I decided that right now, things in my life are going exactly as they should. I know I’m not alone, God has my back because my intentions are pure. I now feel a sense of calm and that ignited that old hoe fire in me again. So guys…I’m now on a journey to bring back that ‘hoe’ I once was, in the very best sense of the word, of course. (Many thanks to the YouTube troll with the fake account for this revelation!)

briggs-zahra monica-vinader-jjill-blouseTop: Thanks to J.Jill |Shoes: Sigerson Morrison | Denim: Zara (old) | Necklace: Monica Vinader 

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  • In case you guys have been wondering what’s going on with me, I’m sharing it all today on the Of Woman Nature podcast! (Available wherever you get podcasts) Talking about my plans for 2019, my journey to living a more conscious lifestyle, and discussing why I quit Fashion blogging. I love listening to podcasts because I feel like I get to know people on such a deeper level - and so I’m honored that @thedemureist gave me the opportunity to share my story. Please take a listen! Image is from the sublime @sarahraskeyfineart studio ❤️
  • Finally got my swab kit from @bethematch! In case you haven’t seen any of my previous Insta stories about Liyna, she is an amazing person who, at only 29, was diagnosed with an aggressive form of Leukemia. She needs a stem cell donor immediately and has not matched with anyone in her family, nor anyone of the 19 million people in the registry database. It is much more likely to match with someone of your own ethnicity, and South Asians make up only 2% of the donor registry. Swipe ➡️ to see how simple it is to register to potentially SAVE A LIFE! To order your swab kit, text SWABFORLIYNA to 61474 or go to be the match.org/swabforliyna  Let’s all do this! thank you guys! 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾 #teamliyna #swabforliyna
  • Meant to post this sooner but I was too busy ‘weekending’ whoops! (sorry not sorry 🙈)To make Monday a little sweeter, @shopkynah is offering a special for you guys - use my code Zahra10 for 10% off your order! I just LOVE their vibe and their commitment to sustainable fashion.  #styleinspo #indianfashion #pakistanstreetstyle
  • This morning on @thejamtvshow ~ we discuss mom stuff like - should you discipline other people’s kids? And should parents have a dress code? in regards to a Tennessee law proposed to enforce a dress code for parents dropping off their kids (because apparently they were too scantily clad) watch the full segment by clicking the link in my profile - Also why do we look like grown up teletubbies? 🌈
  • Stay cozy friends 💕 some words that have been inspiring me lately (particularly interesting for the soul searchers like me out there): “If there is nothing new under the sun, at least the sun itself is always new, always re-creating itself out of its own inexhaustible fire.” Michael Sims, Apollo’s Fire
  • Who else agrees that when it comes to fashion - South Asia has the rest of the world beat?? I mean...I’m obviously biased 😜 For my first collaboration of 2019, I want to introduce you all to @shopkynah. Kynah means ‘woman leader’ - check them out for gorgeous sustainable desi clothes made to order. See a little behind the scenes of this shoot in my stories - we couldn’t do my initial vision because it was raining outside (and cold AF) today - so I got creative and had some fun finding things around the house - do you think I did this outfit justice?! I mean, sometimes you gotta work with what you got! #sundayfunday #desiclothes #kynah
  • Here’s the thing. I used to hella *envy* the stay at home moms - for Adam’s first 4 years of life I worked full-time and found it very frustrating- I was stuck in a cubicle (away from my baby from 7am-6pm) I would come home exhausted and get dinner going and have very little time to spend with him before he went to bed - and one day I just thought - what the hell am I doing? I finally quit my job - after realizing we could cut out a lot of stuff (mostly my shopping) and live without my income. But I  quickly realized the other side is just as difficult, if not more. Babies don’t allow for a water cooler break, smoke break - or even a bathroom break if we’re being real. Sometimes I find myself wishing I had time to do all of the stuff that I want to do in life (as if my kids are the ones keeping me from being the next Oprah) but I realize that kids are only kids for a short time, and I’m going to be old for (hopefully) a long time - so I should really just relish this time ❤️ here’s a pic of me makeup free to shake up our ultra filtered IG world! #nofilter #momsofinstagram #wordsofwisdom #tgif
  • Staying warm inside by playing around with acrylics today - inspired by @barij and her beautiful floral art 🌸 (I obviously don’t know how to paint - don’t judge haha) also listening to a beautiful audiobook about Nur Jehan (by Ruby Lal) In the kitchen so the kids wouldn’t realize what I’m doing and want to join in but alas I can’t get away with anything - swipe to see what happened when I gave Sophia some markers and paper and snacks to keep her busy 😂 see my painting progress on stories... #snowday #momswithcameras #artsy
  • I’ve been slacking this year! To be long-winded but very honest... I have been feeling a little uninspired, maybe I would call it burnout, about my blog and my place in this ever growing world of ‘influence’. When I started style blogging wayyy back in 2012 I wanted to see people who looked like me in fashion and media - and I also wanted to write and share my personal experiences - at the time there was only ONE brown girl blogger I knew of - @asmaqp - she was literally the only ONE! There were a few beauty YouTubers but that was it. but just let that fact sink in for a minute...yeah so
Im SO grateful the space is way more diverse now and I’ve always encouraged every poc friend I had to start a blog too. I guess I am questioning my end goal in all of this...sometimes I cringe at the crap I see on IG (promoting materialism, blind consumerism, unrealistic body and beauty standards) and that itself makes me want to either quit completely OR create content to combat it. And sometimes creating content for the sake of creating content  and making every lunch, dinner, vacation, into a photo shoot can be such a BORE and I just want to go back to when I could live life without making it look cute - because real life is NOT that cute. The thing that keeps me here is wanting to be creative and get better at photography and also connect with people - I LOVE when someone follows me and sends a legit message to me - because then I know they aren’t just a bot that will unfollow me in a few weeks but a real freaking PERSON. I’ve made countless real friends here and I’ve seen real world disruption for the better start here and I’m sort of still a dreamer at heart so I hope I can create something worthwhile. If you are still reading you are a superstar in my mind - and I guess this conversation will be continued as I discover more! ❤️ (pic is one of the shots that didn’t make the cut from my collab with @vasanticosmetics )

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