Notes…Whore or Housewife?

jjill-flare-sleeve The other day some guy called me a whore as a response to one of my YouTube videos in an attempt to hurt my feelings. However, I saw it as a sign of good tidings instead. I had actually just purchased my copy of Whorticulture and was anxiously awaiting its arrival. The books aim is ‘dismantling the toxic and oppressive behavior regularly imposed onto the lives of all women.’

To back up a little though – I had been feeling a bit lost lately, my identity as a mom, my career, my passions – everything that was once a sure thing began to get blurry in my mind. I thought back to my childhood and how I was always so opinionated, bold, and did not care at all what other people thought of me. I loved to shock people by doing things out of the ordinary, especially fighting cultural taboos that I felt were just plain stupid. I was adventurous and lived my life to the fullest. Girls would be called whores or ‘hoes’ for doing nothing wrong, except for challenging societies notions of a woman’s role. I actually didn’t care if people thought I was a hoe – I was living my best life while they just talked about me.

So I asked myself – when did I go from the carefree ‘hoe’ to this self-conscious, timid housewife?

So I read some books, meditated, prayed, and just searched for guidance for myself. Of course getting older, having children, adulting – can and does change you somewhat. But there is something I missed about the old me and I couldn’t figure it out. Then I read an article about how trauma can affect your personality, and it was like a lightbulb went off in my head and I can almost exactly pin point that moment. It was when I came out of my coma from my snowmobile accident in 2009. Nothing was the same ever since then. I didn’t know it but I was going into a new phase of life where I didn’t have the confidence I once had, and I questioned my purpose in life and even broke up with Tom to ‘find myself’. I guess I just needed time to heal and feel safe again.

I decided that right now, things in my life are going exactly as they should. I know I’m not alone, God has my back because my intentions are pure. I now feel a sense of calm and that ignited that old hoe fire in me again. So guys…I’m now on a journey to bring back that ‘hoe’ I once was, in the very best sense of the word, of course. (Many thanks to the YouTube troll with the fake account for this revelation!)

briggs-zahra monica-vinader-jjill-blouseTop: Thanks to J.Jill |Shoes: Sigerson Morrison | Denim: Zara (old) | Necklace: Monica Vinader 

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  • Slightly terrified because I just hit publish on a new YouTube video where I am completely makeup free (and possibly too close up - nose hair close 😬) reviewing the new clean skincare line @oneoceanbeauty that I have been testing for the past 8 weeks. I thought about not posting the video because watching it brought out a lot of my insecurities - about aging and wrinkles, my asymmetrical face, my unfortunate eyebrows - but I decided to do it because I love seeing other women who are confident and comfortable in their own makeup free skin and I want to be that too! 🙌🏾 #cleanskincare #cleanbeauty #skincareroutine 
Link to watch:
https://youtu.be/YMlSG9VDlAk
  • When at least one of us is looking at the camera, it’s a win 🙌🏾 Also, I’m holding the rocks she collected for her - lol - We are staying cozy  inside today, carving pumpkins and watching movies ~ a Sunday well spent 💕 what are you all up to? #mommyandme #pumpkinpatch #fallthings
  • #flashbackfriday Scrolling through my iCloud and came across this family picture shot by @jorellegates. Two thoughts: 1) I can’t believe how teeny my babies are And 2) we need to take more family pictures! Do you guys get professional family pics done? If yes, how often? With Adam we did it every season but now we can’t seem to get our act together ~ even for someone who takes pictures constantly I can’t seem to do it 😔 #fambam #momswithcameras
  • Thinking about what my next YouTube video should be? I’m thinking of organizing my kitchen/pantry/junk drawer (for some good old organization porn) - or a Fall outfit look book featuring only stuff I already own (restyled) and the only new stuff would be thrifted? Which would you want to see first?? Let me know! #tgif #styleinspo
  • Sophie’s face whenever I try to take her picture - either that or she’s running away 😑 Today we took a spontaneous trip to the pumpkin farm ~ I got my fill of apple cider donuts - which is the real reason why I love to go tbh - but the real question is which are your fave, glazed or cinnamon/sugar??? #momswithcameras #pumpkinpatch
  • Last nights look for a little soirée with the @urbandecaycosmetics team! What could be better than a night of makeup and pizza??? I’ll wait... #udallnighter #chicagoblogger #makeupparty
  • Smiling because a new YouTube video is now live on my channel! Sharing how I meal prepped this week’s lunch - it is a really easy beef stew recipe - (it’s also a really good veggie stew if you don’t eat meat!) Hope you guys enjoy! Also hooray for wool hat weather! 🙌🏾 #newvideo #youtube #mealprep
  • #flashbackfriday to a preppy Zahra in college (when I worked at Hollister 🙃) and polo shirts were life - also my parents had that plaid couch for a decade and that treadmill was NEVER used. Lastly, thick eyebrows weren’t cool yet FYI. #TGIF #goodtimes
  • A peek inside my ‘creative mess’ aka my office where I finally finished editing a new YouTube video  it’s a quick (under 5 minute) makeup tutorial using a lot of new @ctilburymakeup I recently picked up (and btw absolutely LOVE)- for a really fresh ‘enhanced natural’ face. Hope you enjoy!

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