Tragedy, Loss, Entitlement

Peace and Blessings Manifest With Every Lesson Learned

-Erykah Badu

Let’s talk about tragedy for a second. Big and small. There is that saying about how our happiness isn’t defined by what happens to us, but how we choose to react to it. We can’t control what happens, but we can control our reaction. That makes complete sense to me, but it is obviously easier said than done.

I just read something that left me absolutely shook. I was hoisted out of my own privilege and given a reality check, and for that I am so grateful. As you may have noticed from my recent  blog posts (including my use of thinly disguised curse words lol) I’ve been a little emotional lately. I promise I’m fine, but I’ve just been on a path to finding myself – taking the time to listen to and learn from my inner voice, and with that comes releasing some pent up emotions.

Bibi Bourelly, the artist, the QUEEN, posted something on Instagram and I was going to summarize it for you but she said it *so* beautifully I’m just going to share it in its entirety here. (P.S. You need to follow her she is incredible.)

‘As human beings we don’t understand a lot. Especially hurtful things. More times than others, especially when caught in the moment, we are literally inadequate of fathoming or comprehending why the things that hurt us happen? Why do things that feel so horrible occur? I think that might be our biggest dilemma. The “why?” Every time something that doesn’t feel pleasant or positive crosses our paths. I wish we’d question our blessings the same way. Most of us take the light in our lives for granted.Like we deserve it. I know I take things for granted sometimes. I shouldnt, but I do. I’m working on it. We act like we are entitled to the food on our plates or the clothes on our backs, the friends that we have or the rare and impactful smiles of strangers. We act like we deserve our lucky days , where we just happen to find a dollar bill on the floor or something, just because we are “good people”. But isn’t being a good, kind hearted , honest person supposed to mandatory? Why should we be rewarded for trying our best? Isn’t it reward enough to go to sleep knowing you’re trying your best? Everything good we deserve and everything bad we don’t deserve? Everything good was meant to be and everything bad wasn’t according to most of us. Something deep within me really and truly believes that our misfortunes are blessings in disguise. Everything is a blessing. Might sound crazy. It might also just be a coping mechanism to get through tough shit… but I can’t help but believing that our misfortunes help us understand things better if we can tap into the love in our hearts. They also give us experience. I mean, this is life after all. We are supposed to experience it for all that it is. The way it is. It’s the whole point of being alive. To feel it all. Just because it’s hard doesn’t mean it’s not worth it. I just wish we were more willing to learn from our pain instead of resenting life for it. We are here. We are the ones that are here. Isn’t that cool? Like just look around you. You’re here. You’re fucking Alive. So am I .Crazy. Trips me out sometimes.’


That feeling that we are entitled to have no pain in life, that we are somehow above pain and suffering even though we know it is all around us, that is what is really the issue at hand. That is why we can’t handle struggle and it consumes us.

If that doesn’t make you feel some kind of way, watch this video by Drake – Gods Plan –  I dare you to watch it and NOT tear up at least once.

If you are in the mood and want to vibe to some more real music, I’m currently digging a song called Earth Girls  – thank you to Maya Washington for putting me on to it!

If you are in the mood to reflect, I also encourage you to check out my friend the talented artist Tahsin, her work constantly inspires me, consoles me, and encourages me.

Just that little act of remembering we are not entitled to anything just by simply existing, and being grateful for the blessings we do have, makes coping with life and its inevitable tragedies, much more bearable. At least for me.

Oh, and there’s a new outfit below <3

Thank you for visiting as always. Sending you all Peace and Love



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Cursed At Birth With Bad Judgement And Good Looks

I was going to preface this blog post by saying something minimizing like, oh this is just a free write – or I’m just rambling today – but then I said F that.

I sometimes wonder why I’m so timid and hell-bent on pleasing others. Where is my self-confidence I so proudly exclaim I posses? Growing up I was always a firecracker, the ‘mischievous one’ in my family, by far the most curious and lively child of five. My fire was constantly being trampled on by society, culture, and family. As a result, I didn’t realize how much I was worth and therefore fell prey to all sorts of people who took advantage of my naiveté and innocence. Men AND women, but mostly men.

Cursed at birth with bad judgement and good looks*, there was bound to be trouble.

The crazy part is that our patriarchal society made me feel like I was to blame for all of the trauma I’ve suffered. I actually believed it too. A long time ago I stopped being my true self and started living life as if I wasn’t in control. I floated along for years, ignoring the signs, ignoring my own intuition. Numbing my pain. That is not to say that I didn’t have moments of clarity, or that I was completely powerless all of these years, but it clearly wasn’t enough.

I was constantly looking for outside validation to tell me I’m smart enough, pretty enough, worthy enough. But how was I supposed to get that from the same culture that tells me my skin isn’t light enough, my thigh-gap isn’t wide enough, and my intellect isn’t worth as much?

Time’s up on all that. Having a daughter snapped me back to where I need to be. Since I obviously didn’t have enough self-love, my love for her is the necessary push I need. Bless her for that! I’m looking at everything in a new light. The world will have you thinking that the oppressors are the oppressed and that down is up if you don’t question it. I once saw a woman with a t-shirt that resonated with me – it read ‘Don’t Believe Everything That You Think’. How often do we question why it is we think a certain way? I mean really honestly question ourselves and the narratives we were raised to believe?

I want my daughter to grow up in full control and power of her mind and her body. I want her to be free and wild and all of the beautiful things we are as women. That she can grow up to be both sexy and pure, beautiful and smart as hell, powerful and feminine. I want my son to grow up to appreciate women and to also be in touch his own true nature. Anyone who knows a man, or has a son, knows boys are just as sensitive as girls, if not even more. It is unfair to men to have to play in to the whole gender role lie too. I also want to appreciate myself, my own light and my own gifts, so I can share them with my husband, and the world. I want all women to realize this about themselves, and take back their power too.

I’m on a journey to reclaim my power. This is my manifesto of sorts. I don’t know where this will take me, but I’m sure it will be fun. Join me?

* quoted that line from Camille Urso

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How To Stop Being A Crusty A$$ B

Today I thought I’d tackle a topic that is an issue I often struggle with, how not to become one crusty bitter a$$ B. Side note: I’ve censored myself so long after having kids, I can’t even type the full B-word anymore, ha!

If you find yourself pessimistic, anti-social, or being so sarcastic to the point where you are bitter and unhappy with your life, this one’s for you.

There are so many reasons why people become what I’m calling a crusty a$$ B. One only has to think about all of the injustice around the world, and in our own daily lives to instantly feel overwhelmed. Scrolling Instagram feeds full of beautiful people with perfect lives and bodies can induce all sorts of eye-rolls, sneers, and subsequent self-loathing. Add to that the high-expectations we often set for ourselves, which can do major mental health damage to us if we don’t achieve them. It takes a LOT of conscious effort and constant practice to not be a crusty bitter B.

It occurred to me, after I had a series of bouts of sadness, depression, and issues with my own self-confidence, to ask my good friend for advice. She is not only successful and beautiful, but she has always had the self-assured vibe. I asked her to what does she attribute her great confidence and success. Shockingly, she said that she struggled with self-esteem and confidence issues herself, and she always looked up to me!

I learned three lessons that day from my BFF that really helped me get out of this nasty slump of my own causing, my own bitter crustification:

Dont Underestimate Yourself.

 I thought she was perfect, and she was sitting there thinking the same of me. After looking at my own Instagram feed, I realized that there were probably people out there annoyed at me for the same reasons I was annoyed with them. Now we were all stuck in this sick cycle, on our way to becoming crusty. That subconscious negative dialogue can be a dangerous thing. I had to change my internal narrative and see myself in a positive light. I actually had to make an effort to think about positive things to say about myself, and then say them out loud to myself. I reminded myself of all of the things I had to be grateful for. It felt corny to do this exercise at first, but trust me, it worked.

Have something to believe in.

Whether that is your religion or another bigger purpose in life. Focus on the idea that you are alive for a reason, that you are a small part of a bigger picture. Trusting the process is another way to look at this one.

Work hard.

In my case, at one point I was comparing my post-baby body to some of the fit girls in my feed, but Instead of getting motivated to actually work out, I’d think ‘whats the point?’ and just be mad and stay on the couch eating crap. Now I know that in order to avoid becoming crusty and bitter, I have to physically work at changing the things I want to change. For me that means forcing myself to go to the gym like its not an option, forcing myself to put a little makeup on and do my hair daily because I know it makes me feel good, and carving out time for things I love to do like writing and reading. There’s no way around it (in my Rupaul voice) you better WORK!

You are alive anyway, so you might as well start really living. Here’s to avoiding becoming one bitter and crusty a$$ B!

Thanks for visiting as always.

xx Z
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